A Short Hiatus…

I just took a bite of the sweetest, most aromatic apple to ever cross my path (or claim a spot in my refrigerator). In fact, this apple is so sweet that ED deems it as candy… and wants to see it in the trash.

“Oh so now you are banning fruits, ED? Are you really going to stoop down to that level?”

*crickets chirp*

“Hm? Don’t you think that is a little weak?”

……………..

“You’ll do anything to get in my head, won’t you?”

Er- I, ummmm…

“How pathetic. You don’t even have an answer.”

Shall we move on to more worthwhile matters than ED’s woeful excuses? You’ve got to admit that it is kind of sad to watch him humiliate himself like that…. NOT.

Strawberry-Banana Ginger Oats: 1 packet instant oatmeal cooked in a 1/2 c. original Silk soy, vanilla extract, Bluebonnet strawberry protein powder then topped and/or mixed with: 1 small sliced banana, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, crystallized ginger, cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice, nutmeg, and 1 tbsp. of Maranatha raw almond butter.

I’m about to head to bed since I have to wake up early tomorrow. I’ve decided that I won’t be posting anymore this week until Sunday or Monday. With Nutcracker rehearsals left and right, I think it would be best to take it easy with everything else in life so that I don’t overwhelm or stress myself. It is all about respecting your body, guys , Mind included.

Have a beautiful week, everyone. When I return, I will have plenty of breakfast recipes and possibly a video to share with you all. Auf wiedersehen & I’ll miss you.

Skittle Pizza

8th grade

It was the second official day of her ailment. The ailment that had kept her bedridden the previous day.

When she first awoke, Karina swallowed what felt like one hundred sharp blades. Her head throbbed with savage intensity and her arms felt like they could disintegrate at any moment.

Mr. ED wanted to kill her for feeling too sick to fidget, waltz, and shake. Whenever she stood up, the world around her would reel and whirl about in circles. The girl was in no position to stand around her home for hours upon hours, waiting for ED’s permission to take a seat or catch her breath.

She’d had the strength, however, to ignore his orders the day before and even got in some calories despite her sour stomach. The number of legitimate excuses to not reach calorie goals are scarce. Whether one has a sore throat, upset stomach, or broken nose… the food possibilities to get calories in are endless!

Sure, ED’s “you are too sick to eat” excuse will always be a classic, but it sure is a poor one.

Sunday’s breakfast: 1 packet of instant oatmeal cooked in 1/2 c. hemp milk, 1/2 a mashed banana, 4 drops of rose water, 2 egg whites, and 2 tbsp. almond butter. This bowl of oatmeal was perfect for a sensitive throat as it was easy to get down. To make it easier on the stomach, nix the eggs for a flavorful, yet bland, oatmeal concoction!

Although Karina’s stomach felt better, her throat had taken a turn for the worse overnight, so she chose to say no to heated foods. Instead, she took 1 c. of Fage 2% yogurt and topped it with 3/4 c. of Hemp Plus granola, 20g. of Ezekiel Golden Flax cereal, blueberries, maple syrup and sunflower seeds seasoned with pumpkin pie spice, cinnamon, and nutmeg. She froze it for approx. 30 minutes, and the result was a tasty, frozen breakfast treat.

She decided to surprise her busy, waffle-cooking mother with a new oatmeal recipe just for her! 1 packet of instant oatmeal cooked in 1/2 c. hemp milk, 4 drops of rose water, 2 tbsp. Nutella, 1 sliced banana, and vanilla extract then topped it with 5g. coconut shreds and 2 crushed Mi-Del whole wheat honey grahams. Spiced with nutmeg and cinnamon.

Her mother was impressed and raved that it was the most delicious breakfast she’d ever eaten. A hit!

Victor, Karina’s eccentric older brother, invited her to watch Sleepover in the game room after breakfast. Sleepover was a cheesy, girl-powered  fun fest starring Alexa Vega which brought back memories of her own bygone sleepovers.

Memories of video-making, suicide hotline prank calls (“my father rapes me with stuffed animals!”), and other random acts of mischief returned to her mind. She recalled an occasion when her and a friend ordered pepperoni pizzas to all of their enemies’ homes to get back at them for being such jerks.

While she realized that all of these acts were obnoxious and inappropriate, she also remembered that she had fun. She had fun experimenting with skittles over pizza, her first risqué Halloween costume (home-made denim skirt Playboy bunny), and even her first and last cigarette (she hated it!).

This was all a part of “growing up”, a beautiful experience in life which Karina felt she was missing out on at the moment.

8th grade Halloween party

She had no period, few friends, and had no interest in boys. She threw temper tantrums, was obsessed with Disney classics, and held a grudge against her parents for never giving her an Easy Bake Oven.

It was as if she were a nine year old trapped inside a high school junior’s body. A calorie-obsessed high school junior to be exact.

Karina sighed as the movie credits rolled and pressed the TV’s “off” button.

She had some major ED sabotage to perform.

***************

Karina lay like a fresh corpse on her game room couch, unmoved from the position she was in an hour before. The poor girl was the image of death and decomposition….. and was known for hyperbolic statements (just kidding, I really do feel like crap, though.)

Her weekend had been stressful: 3 hour ballet class on Friday, company and Nutcracker rehearsal from 10-6 on Saturday, illness and more Nutcracker rehearsal on Sunday (she only “marked” the dance). She adored this crazy dancer lifestyle but unsurprisingly felt overwhelmed at times. This was the reason for her usual blogland absences on weekends. She’d never disappear because she didn’t love her blog friends. In fact, she actually felt closer to her blog friends than some of the people she had met through school and what not. <3

For lunch, she prepared a bowl of 3/4 c. quinoa with a 1/2 c. pumpkin, sliced egg plant, 1/4 c. vegan cheddar cheese, diced tomatoes, pumpkin seeds, maple syrup, onions, garlic, and a medley of spices. (full recipe will be posted on the recipe pages under the Lunch & Dinner link)

This meal gave Karina that warm, wholesome feeling she got whenever she ate a delicious, yet nutritious meal. It was possible to nourish both her body and soul with food. She shuddered when she remembered those cold, bitter days spent in New York last Christmas when she was in the cavernous depths of her Eating Disorder.

The thought of consuming just baby food and egg whites for breakfast, and a tuna cup for dinner made her want to cry. She had done her body wrong and felt so,so sorry:

“Dear Body,” she wrote. “I am sorry that I have put you through such turmoil and stress. I should have listened to all of those occasions where you begged me for food in the middle of the night and cried for me to pay attention… and I chose to ignore you.

I am sorry that I treated you so poorly, as though you were something of no value. I expected so much out of you, yet gave you nothing in return. I would work you to exhaustion, lash at you with the leather whip of Anorexia, and order you to carry on.

I am sorry, body. I am so, so, terribly sorry. I promise to never cause you intended harm or damage ever again, and I promise to treat you with the respect and love that you deserve.

Thank you for always being there for me.

Love, Karina.”

***************

Pre-Ballet snack: Cookies & Cream Clif Builders Bar topped with 12 g. almond butter

Yes, Karina was sick, but truly had no choice but to go to class at this pointe (hah! ballet humor!) This Friday would be BTH’s opening night of The Nutcracker and some of the choreography she was a part of still needed to be cleaned up. Dress rehearsal was set for Thursday, and she had two other performances that same Saturday. Not to mention, she was in all three casts for all her roles. This little ballerina was in for a crazy week.

***************

Thanks to rest and a cocktail of antibiotics, Karina did not pass away at ballet class. In fact, she did rather well and was even praised for her pas de bourrée piqué dessous. Not too shabby for a young lady with a fever!

Her dinner consisted of a very burnt hemp bagel toasted with vegetarian salami slices, 2 vegan American cheese slices, a 100 calorie pack of guacamole and a side of spinach and carrots.

Karina thought back on her morning and prior days. She felt almost grateful for her strong indisposition for it gave her no choice but to lie down, take it easy, and rest. As she had discovered in the past, sometimes all it took was one intrepid time to overcome a fear. One time. And thanks to her muscle aches, sore throat and weakness, Karina Pinzon no longer feared the couch. The couch that once took on the form of a beast in her eyes.

Oh, how she loved showing ED who the big kahuna was. After all, she’d always been a bossy girl.

The End.

————————————————

Hello everyone! Both yesterday and today were special days for me as I sat the majority of the time! I never thought I would find myself relaxing again. Now I just have to work on the fidgeting… which I think will be the hardest rule to break. I am, however, going to take the famous “one step at a time” advice. I believe this is a very good guideline to not frighten yourself, yet still continue to make progress.

Anyhow, one of my favorite girls on the planet, Eliza, tagged me for this fun Autumn survey! I love you, beautiful . I want you and Maya to hang in there, I know today was a hard day. <3

1. favorite variety of apple? Gala

2. apples dipped in? Almond or peanut butter! With cinnamon. Mmmm

3. favorite way to enjoy pumpkin? It used to be pumpkin oats… until I had a taste of today’s Pumpkin Quinoa at lunch. Oh my God, it was delicious. The bowl of pumpkin cereal I had on Friday was pretty incredible too. It was inspired by a comment posted on Kashi’s GOLEAN Cereal page by: Julzdanceruns, who happens to be really sweet 1 c. Kashi GOLEAN cooked with 2 egg whites, applesauce, maple syrup and a 1/2 c. of Cascadian Farms winter squash. Once the cereal was cooked, I topped it with cranberries, pumpkin seeds, and cottage cheese. It was then seasoned, of course, with cinnamon, nutmeg, and pumpkin pie spice.

4. favorite soup? with crackers or bread? Definitely Amy’s cream of tomato soup… but not just with crackers or bread. It must be accompanied with a grilled cheese sandwich. Yep!

5. do you eat orange foods all year round? Yes! My taste buds always seem to hanker for some orange. You can never keep me away from pumpkin, sweet potatoes, carrots, winter squashes, etc.

6. most used spice in your autumn cooking: Cinnamon, nutmeg, and pumpkin pie spice

7. you are baking some homemade bread, what flavor combination of bread would you like to make? “gingerbread with crystallized ginger.or pumpkin bread with cranberries and walnuts. and of course carrot cake” <—- I steal Eliza’s answer

8. favorite autumn vegetables and ways to eat it? Sweet potatoes and butternut squash sprinkled with nutmeg and cinnamon, dipped in almond butter and sometimes a bit of maple syrup. This is heaven!

9. hot chocolate, hot cider, coffee or tea? COFFEEE. Black. I also adore a nice mug of hot chocolate or warm tea with honey.

10. favorite seasonal dessert? Gingerbread and pumpkin pie. Sugar cookies.

11. lets make a fall stew! pick any 6 ingredients to create your one: Lentils, tomatoes, zucchini, butternut squash, tomato paste, peas, and corn. That was actually 7.

12. pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, walnuts or almonds to snack on? Salted almonds.

13. popcorn flavor/seasoning? Buttery with a lot of salt. What? I have low blood pressure

14. bowl of hot cereal you have been wanting to try: Mitri’s Vegetarian Taco Salad Oats. They look so delicious and unique.

15. post a link to a recipe that you recently bookmarked: Cranberry Stuffing Recipe by Betty Crocker.

Before I go, I remember someone asked me if I was a vegetarian through comments the other day… I tried to find the comment so that I could acknowledge the person who asked it, but failed. Hopefully you read this, but yes I am a vegetarian! I just made the full and official switch about a month ago and I must say that I am very happy with my new lifestyle

Alright, lovelies. Have a terrific Tuesday tomorrow! And again, I apologize if I don’t comment blogs very much this week… I am reading, however, and keeping everybody in my thoughts. I send hugs & kisses to everybody!

Karina’s Day

Good day, lovies! Despite my new and perpetual euphoric mood, I feel extra yucky today– healthwise, that is. My mother kindly passed her mysterious cold onto me, raw, excoriated throat and all. What a sweetheart… though we all knew that was bound to happen, seeing as that sickly woman has slept in my room with me every night this week.

Hopefully this ailment wont progress and I will be the picture of health for ballet tomorrow! (hah. hah. hah.)

———————————————

When Karina Pinzon’s eyes first opened this Thursday morning, she was all up and ready to take on the world… that is until her throat hollered at her with a sharp pain.

“OWIE,” she cried. “POR QUE?”

The Spanglish speaking femme fatale dragged herself out of bed to prepare herself a comforting bowl of hot oatmeal. There could never be a thing more fitting.

1 packet of instant oatmeal cooked in 1/2 c. hemp milk, 14g. whey protein powder, 2 tbsp. almond butter, 1 tsp. honey, 4 drops of rose water, and a trickle of maple syrup. After cooking, Karina added in an apple pie Larabar and 1/4 c. of blueberries, and then nuked the bowl for another 15 seconds. She enjoyed this delightful bowl with a cup of green tea and the company of her family.

Thursdays are the day of the week Karina always looks forward to. The day is 100% hers for every single hour is commitment free. Now then, what did she choose to devote her time to today? She chose to:

1. Blog-read,

2. “Sing”,

3. Dance like a caterpillar,

4. Movie-watch,

5. and rest.

“Little bread-and-butterflies kiss the tulips,
and the sun is like a toy balloon…..”

———————————————

When lunch rolled around, Karina warmed up one of her mother’s broccoli cheese calzones alongside carrots & guacamole, and a side of kiwi with a bit of peanut butter.

Left satisfied with her meal, Karina ran over to her Macbook’s iTunes library to switch on some of her favorite songs… which she got really into…

And somewhere between her hip gyrations and pelvic thrusts, Karina managed to fit in a snack:

Oikos with a 1/2 serving of Hemp Plus Granola.

Oh how she loved Thursdays! The rest of the day, she spent sprawled on the couch with Degrassi reruns and Lewis Carroll poems. There was one poem in particular that struck a chord with her:

Jabberwocky

‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!”

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! and through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

“And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
He chortled in his joy.

‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Can you guess who Karina’s Jabberwocky is?

because some day he’ll be slain.

———————————————

A queasy, slothful Karina stood in the center of her spacious kitchen, a look of bewilderment plastered on her face. Bedtime inched closer and closer, and as she looked back upon her day, she realized she did nothing and absolutely everything.

For the first time since “Jabberwocky” ED entered her life, she survived a sick day locked inside of her home: free of all exercise. And she did not restrict her calories either!

Her body hankered for some rest, some tender loving care. And she gave that to it. Love, care, and all.

To nourish her worn out body, Karina stuck her head in the refrigerator, scouting for leftovers, a piece of bread… anything! The best she could find were the previous night’s scraps. The challenge was that she couldn’t microwave any of the ingredients as they would dry out, so she was compelled to whip up a chilled new recipe:1 c. Couscous

1 cooked Lightlife Italian style sausage, chopped and refrigerated overnight

3/4 c. chopped butternut squash, chilled

3/4 c. plain cut green beans, chilled

1 tbsp. olive oil

curry, nutmeg, pumpkin pie spice, and salt to taste

———————————————

My day is over. In a few minutes you will find me standing in front of my food cabinets, eyes grazing the choices for tonight’s snack. I don’t know what I am in the mood for. I am not particularly hungry, to be honest, but thanks to the muddle I am in, I don’t have much of a choice now do I?

Before I conclude this silly little post, I want to answer a few questions asked in yesterday’s post, reveal another truth, and tag Nic for yesterday’s truth. I was so silly and forgot to tag someone after I posted my truth!

Truth: I never, ever just “listen to music.” I always listen to the song, analyze it, and create a music video inside my head, with me as the star. This never fails to entertain me for hours on road trips. & I tag… Tori!

Q’s & A’s:

Vanilla asked: Love your breakfast, and chocolate and blueberry: delicious combo! Do you take a lot of time to plate your food? Because when I do, my mom is sooo freakin annoyed and yells at me, lol.

-I actually don’t take any time to plate my food. I usually just throw it on there 9 times out of 10. But I DID take the time to assemble my sandwich platter.
For my breakfasts though, I never really try to make them look pretty! Hehe.

Delilah asked: How long does it typically take you to throw your breakfasts together? It looks to me you’re not only making them to eat, but for show. ;D

-It probably takes me about 10-15 minutes tops if it something really special.
I mainly spend some time to make them delicious so that I feel excited about eating the food. It is something I’ve had to do to get ED out of my head a little.

Kate asked: (Oh, and may I ask what kind of camera you use? I’m looking to buy a new one and I just love the way your pictures look! Top notch!)

-I use a Canon Powershot S51s. It is a really good camera but you will be surprised to find out that it isn’t as neat and advanced as some of the other bloggers’ cameras.
I really recommend this model though

Well, goodnight to all! I think I will have a deep chocolate VitaTop slathered with PB tonight…

P.S. If you watched that video and no longer want to associate yourself with a weirdo like me, I understand 100%!

I Have No Degree in Preschool

Once again, another marvelous day has come to an end. I’m a bit surprised at what good luck I’ve had these last two days. Typically, my mood swings all over the map with ED thoughts ebbing in and out of my head. But not so much lately.

And I must say, I have no complaints.

When I woke up at 9:30 A.M., the house was empty. The house was empty and desolate except for a young man playing ‘Ghostbusters’ on his playstation and two cats. One of those cats lay on my head.

“WHAT!” I cried out, unhappy that the first thing I felt in the morning was a wad of Sanura’s fur in my mouth. <—uncomfortable.

I forgave my cat and cuddled with her for about fifteen minutes, before I escaped to the kitchen to whip up some breakfast.

Tapping into my inner rebel, I chose to diverge from my beloved oatmeal and gingered up the morning with a small feast:

2 slices of toasted hemp bread slathered with Smart Balance, a mozzarella string cheese, Oikos with cranberries, half a chopped apple, and a kiwi with a comforting mug of hot chocolate.

After breakfast, I read up on many blogs… with my booty on a chair… most of the time. I personally think I did really well today with trying be seated more and existing as the “couch potato” my nutritionist wants me to be. She insists that it is crucial that ballet be the only exercise I get in a day, but ED wishes I could do more.

But what ED says is irrelevant, because his opinion doesn’t cut any ice.

Lets gang up on ED and taunt him together, shall we?

ED, You are a scum sucking, brat faced jerk. No one gives a rat’s a** about what you have to say or order us to do. We are the writers of our own stories, not you.

Don’t you feel great!? In this case, bullying does make us feel better about ourselves.

*******

Okaay, I couldn’t resist. I had to have some oats.

Originally I wanted to make Mitri’s “3 C’s Oats” to a T, but couldn’t find my bag of carob chips anywhere at the last minute. After throwing a small tantrum due to heart break, I remembered my dear Maggie’s vanilla protein oats and decided to hook up her oats with Mitri’s so that they could make a tasty baby:

1 packet of oatmeal cooked in coconut milk & vanilla whey protein powder, 1/4 c. cottage cheese, shredded coconut, and crushed almonds.

On the side of their delicious offspring, I had carrots and hummus.

I was really impressed with the flavor of the vanilla protein powder I used. It reminded me of a french vanilla crisp Pria Bar, which I used to LOVE to death and swear on. What I especially loved about this protein powder was that it was free from Betsy’s Health Food.

Once lunch was over, I discovered a video that my beautiful Maya recorded for me on Facebook. It made my entire day! That girl is so sweet and I love her to bits, so I made her a silly little video in response.

When snack time jumped out at me from around the corner, I prepared a petite peanut butter sandwich on cinnamon raison Ezekiel Bread with blueberries and a glass of soy milk.

Ballet/Nutcracker rehearsal was psychotic. We did class until 7, and I’d planned on staying for the Waltz of the Snowflakes rehearsal until 8:15. All of a sudden, my stressed out instructor told us Snowflakes was cancelled tonight but that we would be working on Act I Angels instead after the party scene.

….

OKAY, so I took a seat and watched children, dolls, and mice parade around the studio as though they were at a party or something (:p). Then, I find out I have to stay until 9 P.M. and literally run to the supermarket across the street to pick up a Clif Builders Bar because clearly, I would not be eating dinner at an appropriate time.

Once I returned to the studio and gobbled up my chocolate Builders Bar, my instructor nonchalantly informed me that I could go home because we would not be rehearsing Angels anymore. Argh. This always seems to happen!

Regardless of how nettlesome the situation was, I am very proud of myself for the flexibility I demonstrated tonight. It just goes to show that ED can’t control me! And the dinner that I prepared when I got home was fantastic:

3/4 c. couscous, butternut squash, green beans, almond butter, and maple syrup seasoned with nutmeg, pumpkin pie spice, cinnamon, and salt.UTTER HEAVEN.

*******

Anyhoo, I just finished skyping with my mother, who happens to be upstairs, and am now consuming a ginger snap Larabar with milk in order to meet my calorie goals. ED tried to pull the “you had a late dinner and aren’t hungry” card on me, but I showed him who’s boss: ME.

Before I express my goodnight wishes, I’d like to share today’s truth to celebrate Maggie’s Truth Week: I really do believe that I have it in me to rebel against this disorder and am shocked that I have found it difficult in the past because I, Karina Pinzon, got kicked out of preschool due to unruly behavior. Back in the day, when I first began preschool, there was this little curly-haired redhead boy whose hair I would always pull. Hard. When the teacher put me in time out and took my toy away, I told her off. Bad.

Well, off to bed I go, beautiful people. Goodnight!

P.S. I replied to quite a few questions asked through comments in my last post, so please check back. I am still unsure of what the best way to reply to blog comments is. How do you guys do it?

Scoundrel

1 packet of oatmeal cooked in 1/2 c. hemp milk, 2 egg whites, 1.5 tbsp. almond butter, and frozen strawberries then topped/mixed with Nature’s Path Hemp Plus granola, raisins, crushed almonds and drizzled with Nutella.

******

I currently reside in the passenger seat of my mother’s parked white minivan,waiting for her to retrieve her stolen fish from HEB.

Today’s visits with my ED recovery team were interesting, to say the least. My nutritionist gave me an assignment for the week. An assignment that Mr. ED is not too thrilled to carry out.

The assignment is to write out a list of all the rules and tricks ED has set for me. And not obey them.

ED’s Top 5 Rules:
1. No laying down during the day
2. Stand at all times
3. Fidget whenever possible
4. Drink approx. 40 oz. of fluid with each meal
5. Do 10 minutes of pilates every day

!?!?!?!?!?

ED, Why the heck do you set us such STUPID rules? To control you. And why do we have to follow them? …….

See? ED gives us no legitimate reasons to follow a ridiculous set of rules like that because there are no legitimate reasons. ED’s only feeble and pitiful answer is: to lose weight and be skinny.

But lets ask OURSELVES: Why? Why is skinny better?

Does skinny change the person we are on the inside? Does skinny make people want to be our friends? Does skinny help us achieve our dreams of becoming doctors, artists, dancers, lawyers? Is skinny worth the constant fidgeting, restless calorie counting, sodium/carb watching, and social withdrawal from your loved ones? All that just to be skinny? A term that is subjective to each individual anyway?

Well guys, the answer is no. Being skinny is not worth the loss of our lives and dreams. I hate to be a negative bitch but here is the truth: with an Eating Disorder mounted upon your back and breathing down your neck, you will never accomplish anything. You will never have the energy to dance, the happiness to laugh, the concentration to study, the passion to paint, the health to have children nor the sanity to raise them.

And if you do accomplish something, that accomplishment will never be fulfilled to the best of your abilities. You’d be selling yourself short.

So please, disobey ED. Break the rules. Who cares if you appear as a rogue in ED’s beady little eyes? You have all the right in the world to act like a rebel and a miscreant right now. Go ahead, Be a disobedient scoundrel.

You are worth it!

I now reside in my bedroom, my buttocks planted firmly upon the white IKEA desk chair (haha!). My head is throbbing and my eyes feel like they are about to fall out of their sockets <— bad.

I‘m going to be very peeved at my mother if she passed her brand new cold onto me. The Waltz of the Snowflakes can not afford to lose me right now! My poor dance instructor has enough strain on his shoulders.

This Clif Peanut Butter Builder’s Bar did an excellent job at energizing me for ballet. Unfortunately, it didn’t make this Tuesday’s advanced class any easier BOO.

When I arrived home at 7:45, this delectable meal called to me from my kitchen table:Mom’s Sweet Bean Pasta (I HATE pasta… but this entrée is AWESOME), green beans, milk, and a fresh vegetable salad served with 1 oz. muenster cheese.

I’m not sure whether it is obvious or not but, I feel extra chipper today.

GASP! Do you think perhaps it is because I now feed my body enough to keep it happy? :O

Some of yesterday’s main food events…

PB CHOCOLATE CAKE OATS:

1 packet instant oatmeal cooked in 1/2 c. hemp milk and mixed with PB&Co’s DCD PB

Bluebonnet strawberry protein powder

1 deep chocolate VitaTop

Sunflower seeds

blueberries

I know the ingredients do not seem very chocolate cakey, but the product tasted like a fruity version of one to me

Grilled Gouda and Tomato sandwich on hemp bread with carrots and a sweet potato pancake served over a bed of lettuce. On the side: Oikos, blueberries, and almond butter.

Kashi Roll! Bar, chocolate peanut flavor.

******

I am dead tired tonight for some odd reason, so I’m going to go have my bedtime snack and get some rest. Remember, be rebellious

Have a splendid Wednesday tomorrow!

Father Dearest: A Weekend Recap

It all started with a mess. A yogurt mess.

1 c. Kashi Heart to Heart cereal and a crumbled cashew cookie Larabar mixed into 3/4 c. Kefir topped with almonds and soy nuts. On the side, a tall glass of Silk.

Sixteen year old Karina Pinzon figured this was the only proper way to begin her busy Friday. She had to be down at her nutritionist’s by 12 o’ clock, and was already running late: something she was no stranger to.

Life had taken a turn since she began to follow her nutritionist’s plan. Her meals seemed to occur more naturally after she’d finally met that magic calorie number on Wednesday.

It baffled her how sometimes all it took was one time to break a fear. The anxiety and nervous fluttering were all worth it once that fear was overcome. And a life lived in fear is a life wasted.

Soon after a fine lunch at Starbucks, Karina lay out on the grass feeling the autumn breeze puff against her cheek. She was exhausted of her battle against the clock and all the constant watching, staring, waiting. Time was her foe and she was it’s opponent.

Once 3:30 struck, she hastened up the stairs to get dressed for her 3 hour dance class. She couldn’t wait.

She fueled herself with 1/2 an iced gingerbread Clif Bar with a glass of Nesquik hemp milk before she left, and packed the other half to eat during the five minute dance break.

This was her first straight taste of an Iced Gingerbread Clif Bar. Before it entered her mouth, Karina warmed her half in the microwave for 15 seconds until it was a moist, gooey mess. The warm sweet, aromatic mush reminded her of her family’s Christmas Eve parties.

Hours spent dancing and laughing to hispanic Christmas melodies and children running to their parents asking, “WHEN CAN WE OPEN THE PRESENTS!?”

This bar was a winner.

————————————-

After ballet, Zoe came for a visit. It was nice to spend time with someone Karina’s age who she could talk to and eat her lasagna with. Conversation was a large factor of what Karina based her friendships on. Without communication, what does one have?

Zip. Zilch. Diddly-squat.

————————————-

It was 8:45 the next morning.

LATE AGAIN.

Karina bounced off of the bed and went down the stairs to make a tasty pre-ballet breakfast:

1 package instant oatmeal cooked in 1/2 c. hemp milk, 1 banana, 1 scoop of strawberry Bluebonnet protein powder, and 2 tbsp. of Maranatha peanut butter.

She had ballet until 5 PM that day and overall had a wonderful time…. except for that dreadful 1 hour lunch break.

Usually, lunch only lasted 30 minutes and usually, she had at least one friend there.

Today, she had no one. No one but herself.

See, her dance studio was more dramatic than a middle school. There were 3 cliques among the Junior and Senior companies: The Older Girls, The Younger Girls, and The Others.

The Older Girls were the perfect ones. They did every pirouette, every piqué, every tondue with flawless precision and technique. By general knowledge, they owned the right side of the room and if a Young One or an Other stood in their spot, dirty looks would ensue.

The Younger Girls consisted of the Junior company, mostly middle schoolers and stood on the left side of the room. They were not as experienced as the Older Girls and although they were bratty and undedicated, they were excused for their lack of perfection because they were well…. young.

Then there were The Others, where Karina stood. They belonged to no specific sector of the room and just stood wherever they could. There were only about 3 Others. And these Others were neither young enough to be a Younger Girl, nor experienced enough to be an Older Girl (new people were known as Others too, no matter how good they were. If they were unfamiliar, they were Others). Level wise, however, they were placed in the Older Girl’s Advanced class because they were good enough. Ironic.

Synopsis: Karina had no one to sit with at lunch and had to call her mom to pick her up so that she could eat in the car.

COOL BEANS!

credit to: google

After her long and arduous day, Karina relaxed at the cinema with her family and watched A Christmas Carol.

Although she took a fancy to it and all, she honestly preferred the Mickey Mouse version.

Oh sweet nostalgia, how I miss my childhood!

————————————-

Sunday morning treated the small town of Spring with cloudy skies and cool winds. The sun hid behind a fat, leaden cloud that was ready to burst it’s rain on the peaceful community.

Karina decided to bring the light out in her breakfast to make up for the colorless weather outside:2 Kashi strawberry flax waffles spread with PB&Co’s DCD PB and topped with a chopped apple, an apricot mango Brown Cow Cream Top, Kashi’s Apple Harvest granola, and a 1/4 c. cottage cheese.

But Karina felt anxious. This Sunday was the day her and her father would spend the day alone, by choice, in order to bond.

For the past year, she’d resented her father a bit because he was always away on business trips. Of course, he had always traveled for his profession but never every single week, five days a week. And not to mention all the horrible things he had said to her mother and the rest of their immediate family that year.

No… 2009 had not been a good year.

Karina loved her father, but at times she had to question whether he loved her. But deep inside, she knew he did. She only missed him, and sometimes that translated to hostility.

No matter what or how she acted, he would always be her daddy. Nothing would change that.

————————————-

They ate sushi.

They walked down Old Town Spring.

They ate Mozartkugeln.(OMG Maya and Eliza, I randomly saw these when I was in the little German shop in Old Town Spring. I literally gasped and bought them immediately. They are so delicious! If it hadn’t been for you girls being so inspiring, I never would have even tried these. Love you both <3)

They sipped on cappuccinos.

They talked.

They hugged.

And he bought her a beautiful golden locket, in which Karina planned to place a picture of him and her mother just like Sara Crewe in A Little Princess.

She loved her daddy so much… he was a wonderful, wonderful man. <3

The beautiful day of bonding ended perfectly with a bowl of spontaneously concocted curried lentils:

1 c. lentils

1 vegetarian italian sausage

2/3 c. peas

10 g. sunflower seeds

15 g. pistachios

5 g. pumpkin seeds

1/4 c. coconut milk

Karina felt grateful for the day spent with her father. She made a promise to herself to never hold so much anger against him again, no matter how much she missed him or disliked his job.

Wherever he may be: in India or Canada or New York or California, it didn’t change the fact that he was there for her… even a thousand miles away.

“Love puts the fun in together, the sad in apart, and the joy in a heart.”

The Lie and the Truth

A man awakes from his daily afternoon nap. Only today, something does not feel right.

He sprints to his bathroom and takes a look in the mirror, his gag reflex triggered by the ghastly sight.

HIS BEARD HAS GONE MAD.

He runs toward his bedroom’s phone to dial 911.

“911, what is your emergency?”

The man slams down the receiver, eyes wide with understanding.

He can not ask for help. He can not call for salvation. Those fools down at the emergency room would think he is the mad one. No… they would not rescue him from his beard. They’d only treat him with a 24 hour lock down and a thorazine drip. He’d have to save himself.

Left to his own devices, he scrambles down the stairs to his computer.

Google search: crazy beard.

Yes… Google would inform him on how to properly deal with his menacing facial hair.

Ah yes, the search is complete.

Full of hope, he clicks on the first site that looks promising: Like Some Cat from Japan, only to break down in tears of disappointment. This site wouldn’t give him advice on how to deal with his loopy beard, it would just give him tips on how to make his oatmeal more yummy.

Oh, doodleberries. :/

*************

Hmmm… are these the series of events that occur every day when at least 5 people reach my site by google searching the term “crazy beards”?

Has the latest world wide epidemic become beards gone mad?

Oh, what an interesting world we live in

This bowl of oats was inspired by Neela:

1 packet instant oats cooked in a 1/2 c. unsweetened coconut milk

1 packet of Stevia

2 egg whites (cooked into oats)

1 tbsp. vegan carob chips (mixed into oats)

1 chocolate mint Jocolat bar (crumbled & mixed into oats)

1/2 spooky s’mores ZBar

2 tbsp. soy nuts

1/2 tbsp. strawberry jelly

I caught up on a few favorite blogs after I ate my creamy, chocolatey breakfast and sipped on a strong cup of coffee. My ED related hypoglycemia kicked in so hard about 2 hours after breakfast that I couldn’t even move. I had to muster up enough energy just to cry for my mother to bring me some medjool dates.

I am convinced that medjool dates and other dried fruits are the perfect cure for low blood sugar.

Soon after my blood sugar dilemma, I enjoyed my mother’s Moussaka, with carrots and Athenos roasted red pepper hummus for lunch. My mother should write her own cookbook. I’m so thrilled that I trust her enough to eat her cooking again.

I remember there was a period of time.. a period time when ED clouded my entire brain, where I wouldn’t let my mom bake a simple piece of chicken in the oven for me without my harsh supervision. She couldn’t even be trusted to microwave something for me. It is amazing how much I have progressed… I suppose I don’t give myself enough credit these days. Its just at times I feel so lost. When I think back on how mentally sick I was in December/January though, I realize how much better I am now.

The health team I see (physician, nutritionist, psychologist) has helped me a tremendous amount, both mentally and physically. I feel so fortunate. Their suggestions, although ED sometimes scoffs at them, are so wise and necessary.

One of their suggestions was a life size body drawing, which I did today.

Instructions:

-On a very large sheet of paper, have the eating disorder patient draw a life-size illustration of the body they see in the mirror.

-On another very large sheet of paper, have the patient lie down and then outline their body.

-Compare the two separate drawings to see how distorted, or not, the reflection they see in the mirror is.

My body drawings:

I didn’t believe my mother when I got up from the floor and stared at the “actual” drawing. I had her outline me again…. My legs are so much smaller than how I see them. I don’t actually have the curves I see in the mirror. In fact, I have no curves.

She also took a photograph of my back when I was crouched over, naked on the kitchen floor.

After staring at the skeletal image on my camera’s screen, I deleted the picture and had a snack.Whole Soy & Co. plain yogurt topped with Nature’s Path PB granola

My ED continues to tell me that the second drawing is a mistake but I know that he is the one that is mistaken. Karina is smart enough to know that there is no way that her mother outlined her wrong twice. Her mother isn’t an idiot.

I highly recommend this exercise to anyone who struggles with distorted body image. This exercise is a reality check. This exercise reveals the truth.

And that is something distorted thinkers are no longer familiar with.

But anyway, before I take a shower, I’d like to answer a few questions that I’ve been asked through comments:

1. “Where did you get your dress? Its stunning!”

Thank you, love! I got my dress on sale at Betsey Johnson, who is my favorite designer. Her dresses are so fun, colorful, and girly!

2. “i have to ask, how do you add an egg white to your oats? do you leave it out to get to room temperature and then slowly add it after the oats are done cooking? i don’t want scrambled egg in my oats, i just want the protein factor! ;p”

Actually, I don’t just add an egg white… I add a WHOLE egg! Don’t worry, you won’t get scrambled eggs in your oats, hehe. OK so here is what I do:

I microwave a packet of INSTANT oats (must be instant!) for 25 seconds in whatever amount of milk/water/etc. I’d like. Then, I crack the egg over the oats and mix it in really well.

I microwave it for 30 seconds and stir. Then I keep microwaving it at intervals until the oats get to the consistency I’d like. You shouldn’t get any bits of egg if you mix the egg in well.

Let me know how it works out for you It makes my oats extra creamy.

3. “hemp bagel?? how does one come across one of those?”

I found mine in the frozen bread section at my local grocery store. Check your section out first, if not… order online. So worth it, they are yummy beyond belief. The brand is called: French Meadow Bakery. If you go to their site, you’ll find other fantastic products. Good luck!

*************

Alright, I’m off. Everyone have a delightful Thursday evening!

P.S. I apologize for the illustration of pubic hairs on “The Lie” drawing. My humor tends to be a bit crude at times. Embarassing! >.<

The Porcelain Doll (RIP Cosmo<3)

So much has happened these past few days that I don’t know how to go about talking about it. Mainly this is because I still hold a lot of pain in my heart regarding the death of my dog, Cosmo. We had to put him to rest yesterday afternoon at about 4:25 PM at age 14. I’d like to dedicate this post to commemorate him. He was a great dog whom brought joy and happiness to my family’s home for 9 years and will continue to live within our hearts for as long as we live.

I love you so much, Cosmo! I hope you are having a wonderful time in doggy heaven with your sister, Cleo. Tell her I’ve missed her dearly, my love.

—————————————–

Well, how should I start? Should I start off with how I baked muffins, didn’t calculate the calories, and ate one with my family on Saturday? Or should I mention that I tasted my first Almond Joy in two years (I thought it was too sweet) and didn’t feel TOO guilty that night too? Or maybe I should let you all know that I plan on actually making my calorie goals today? Or that I adopted a new kitten named Pie?

Goodness me, I just have so much to share!

Sunday morning started off with a delightful bowl of oatmeal. I cooked a 1/2 c. in hemp milk & rose water with 1/2 a almond trail mix Honest Foods bar. Then I topped it with soy nuts, sunflower seeds, a kiwi, cottage cheese, and strawberry jelly. I enjoyed a mug of hot chocolate on the side.

I had to get ready within about 3 segundos (seconds in spanish) and frolick with my mom, Tia, and Tio at the yearly Renaissance Festival. Unfortunately, I got no pictures there since my camera was “broken” and my Tio and Tia forgot theirs. Turns out my camera wasn’t broken but my rechargeable batteries were, and that is why my lens wasn’t working properly. Thank goodness my cammie is okay… my parents just do not have the money to buy me a new camera right now, and what would have happened to my blog without a camera? :O

Bad things.

I challenged myself to an old favorite at the festival, a Think Thin bar. I used to eat those all the time during refeeding in April thanks to the high calorie count, but grew afraid of them over the summer as ED crept back in. But… they’re back!I may be going back this weekend since the theme changes every week and I want the rest of my family to experience it. Hopefully I will see the boy who worked at the German pastry stand, the one I played “eyesies” with, again!

Everything was well that day until I stayed home and ate chili. I sat to rot in the kitchen with my Eating Disorder instead of eating an extra tbsp. or two of PB.

Not a single time that week did I make my calorie goal, thanks to ED’s lies. I was spiraling deeper into him. I felt depressed. I felt hopeless. I felt low.

Why does ED trick us all the time? It tells us it is our friend, but it simply lies. And lies do not make friends… yet we never cease to take its hand and follow it when it make false remarks like this:

“Well, since you didn’t work out today… you have the right to restrict.”

“Your vital signs are normal so you don’t need to gain weight.”

“Since you don’t need to gain weight (see above), you don’t need to make your calorie goals.”

“You probably underestimated the calories in your lunch anyway, so go ahead and shave off some calories at dinner or snack time.”

THIS IS ALL BULLSHIT. If ED says any words along these lines, ring the alarm! Call out “fire!” Ask a family member for help! Snap some sense back into yourself!

Or you’ll end up on massive ED probation like me (not fun) thanks to the negative effects your body will show. I’m fighting my way back to be trusted again though. And that is what counts.

—————————————–

Meet Pie, the 4 month old Tabby!

Twas a Monday afternoon the moment Pie and Karina met. A ball of fluff that lodged in a cage, just begging to be adopted, lured Karina in and got its only wish.

The second her dark chocolate eyes met Pie’s butterscotch eyes, she knew it was love. Her motherly instincts took over as she took the baby into her arms and whispered,

“You’re as sweet as pie now, aren’t you?”

When she placed the pet carrier inside her mother’s white van, she knew she’d picked the right one. The right one to pass her love on to and become a part of the family.

No one would take the special place of her poodle Cosmo in her heart, but someone could create their own special place within it and receive a bounty of love… which is just what Pie wanted.

—————————————–

Wednesday.

I realize that I jumped from Monday to today, but Tuesday (yesterday) is really not a day I am ready to talk about. The loss of my dog is still too tender a subject to touch.

In the bowl: 2 Weetabix biscuits, 1/2 c. Lucky Layla drinkable Mango yogurt, and a crumble Key Lime Pie Larabar. On the side: 1 egg & 1 white and a slice of hemp bread spread with almond butter. Washed it down with a glass of soy milk.

I visited both my psychologist and my nutritionist yesterday. They both agreed that ED had gotten the best of me that week (and the week before) and that if I wanted to let go of ED without IP, I’d have to increase my weight at a steady rate. No more of those UPdownUPdownUPdown shenanigans I’d been pulling.

I walked out of both appointments with a sense of empowerment.

The nutritionist said there was no ballet unless I made the 2XXX calories that day.

I made those calories today and I am damn proud. ED can go to hell. I will never stop dancing.

For lunch I enjoyed a delicious bowl of kidney beans with vegetarian italian sausage chunks topped with cheese straws. Carrots on the side.

My mother made broccoli cheese pizza calzones for my Tio and Tia’s anniversary tonight. They were so delicious! Not only were they delicious, but they were a challenge. A challenge that nourished me and helped me dance

I can hear Sanura attacking Pie from my bedroom so I am off to rescue the baby!

Have a fantastic evening and a wonderful Thursday!

Meow!

Sorry I haven’t updated since Saturday. Something horrid happened!
My camera’s lens completely gave out so I haven’t been able to take pictures.
I’ve been using my brother’s camera but I just need to figure out how to upload the pictures onto my computer. His cammie is a stubborn one.
But! When I do post, I want to share some big (though small) news in my life! I am ecstatic at the moment.

Oh by the way, I have to fill out an interview for a friend’s essay on Eating Disorders in America tonight. I’m so excited to break some big ED stereotypes to at least some of the kids at her University. Society seems to have a very skewed view on us sufferers.
I have a question for you guys: what ED stereotypes and misconceptions rile you up and why?

Alrighty, hopefully I will post by tonight!
Much love,
Karina

The Victor (dedicated to Maya)

If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t
If you like to win but think you can’t,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are.
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win the prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.

-C. W. Longenecker

————————————–

Mother made me a promise yesterday, a promise that will only come true with hard work and perseverance. To the demon within me, it feels like a clever ruse for others to take control of me, an evil scheme devised to butcher me and throw me to the dogs. But to me, this promise could mean the very opposite.

It could mean a promise of life and a gain of control.

It would mean NEW YORK

and its’ bustling streets,which both soothe and enliven the soul,for one incredible week.

But I’ve got to gain the weight and get healthy before I can go.

That is some fierce motivation. My momma’s one smart and sneaky cookie.

But anyhoo, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

After last night’s insomnia party, I was in dire need of a marvelous breakfast.Nothing satisfied me better than a hemp bagel spread with cinnamon almond butter and cranberries, chocolate milk, and cottage cheese & apples.

hempy deliciousness.

Halloween goes right behind Christmas as my favorite holiday. It is one of those holidays that brings out the nostalgia of candy, trick or treating, and playing dress up as fairy princesses and storybook characters.

I remember Halloween in California was the best. My neighborhood had the best haunted houses and I remember one in specific that traumatized me so much at age 4 that up to this day, I still can’t walk into a haunted house without crying and having to be escorted out halfway through. Really. I went to one at Universal Studios last year and had to taken out by an employee. Kind of embarassing :/

BUT I can still enjoy Halloween without the thrill of Haunted Houses and their chainsaw murderer, zombie laden terrors:With a plate of pumpkin ravioli sprinkled with parmesan and a side of carrots. For dessert I had milk and a ginger snap Larabar. Mmm!

pumpkin ravioli was a brilliant idea!

Tonight my entire family is going to dress up and pass out candy to the neighborhood children. I’m going to make us pumpkin muffins (and eat one too!) for our horror movie party.

I’m off to go get ready! I will post pictures of my porcelain doll costume tomorrow.

Have a great and horrifying night, everybody!